Dystopia

Flaming on my grandma. No joke.

Most of the time her and I like to stay out of eachother's way, and we can function safely and happily. She stays upstairs and watches her soaps, I stay in the basement on my comp (coming upstairs only for food) and life is good. But every now and then...she....she

She chews gum like a cow chews it's cud slop shit. She's missing teeth, and has more saliva than a new born baby. I don't even know how to describe the noise, it's like a half chew, have suck, and a few slurps every now and then to suck in all her spit and prevent herself from drooling everywhere. The noise, is atrocious. It's 12:01 am, I'm doing some research on cattle for an rp, and she stumbles down the stairs chewing-her-fucking-gum.

Am I the only one who hates the sound of chewing? I might be crazy but while I'm typing this Im trying not to drown in an ocean of my own puke from the sound. It is awful. The craziest thing is the reason she had to disturb me with her wretched munching is even more baffling still.

She comes downstairs, opens the closet, puts one photo album on top of the other and is satisfied with her...work? I don't even fucking know it's like some crazy alien ritual. Shell come downstairs and randomly re-arrange things into bizarre cryptic patterns for no important reason. It's incredibly pointless and everytime I have to use all of my willpower not to murder her in cold blood because she has to come down here, chew in my fucking ear, to move one plate a little to the left.

I don't get it, I don't see the significance. Aside from the fact that the whole act is pointless, its fucking midnight. She had all day to do this, why now? WHY!!?!?!?!?

I hear rustling in the room next to me....

Worst still is when she asks for me to assist in her madness. Midnight she'll come down chewing her gum and will ask me "Hey Ange if you are a not a busy..." (then she'll pause and make me wait for a few minutes to figure out the rest of her sentence) "could you herpa me? I would like a too....move dis." (and in the end it's always to say the simplest shit on top of that.)

I'm not being insensitive. She's lived in Canada for over 42 fucking years. I can learn how to say "Will you help me move this" in Greek in no time at all if I looked it up or some shit.

Then since some part of me hopes she'll see reason I'll ask her "Grandma why is it absolutely necessary at midnight for us to shove the couch a little more to the left?"

I don't get an answer. She just fucking wants to. She chews her gum in my ear through the whole ordeal. In the end the couch is in a retarded place and looks fucking stupid.

Why-does-she-do-this?

She waddles down (something else that bothers me, she's not a hundred years old she's like, 60 something. The only reason she's so stiff is cuz she sits around watchng soaps all aowerhdfwohefowhgftgewrg


FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK SHE WAS DIGGING IN THE CLOSET

SHE FOUND SOME OLD BABY PICTURES


SHE'S RIGHT IN MY FACE FUCKING CHEWING AND TALKING ABOUT THE BABY PICTURES (thnk god she cant read none of this) WTF

NOW IM GONNA HAVE TO SIT THROUGH HER NOSTALGIC BULLSHIT.

FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUu

At least you pummeled her with the wooden table of flame instead of an actual wooden table, assuming you didn't immediately after your post, of course.

Did you...want some help flaming her? *imagines jokes that would apply to a Greek-speaking Canadian OCD grandmother.*

Cake on the jokes man, you don't even know the half of it.

After she left from her fiddling around with photo albums shewas muttering the words "annastasia....almonds" to herself. I dun get it.

She's really Alex, in a suit. I saw the seams.

I wonder how it feels to sleep with my grandpa. Maybe my grandpa is just somebody else in a suit too. Probably Nate.

So you wonder what it feels like to sleep with Nate? O o;

No I wonder how Alex likes it.

I did, too. Until I asked.

You'd be surprised how open they are with their homosexuality if you simply know to ask.

New trick guys.

My grandma fucking always -always- puts her clothes in the machine but forgets to turn it on. So if I want to do my laundry I have to do her laundry first.

Then while Im doing her laundry for her, she comes up to me and corrects me on how to do it, and tells me to turn down the temperature on the machine.


Grarg

Kill her or get out of the house before you go insane and are inevitably driven mad and forced to kill her.

R.I.P. Nate

But...he's dead already, so I guess it's more like you're slaying a dangerous zombie!

Yea. >>;

<<

That's totally a good enough excuse for murder. " I had to do it. She was a Zombie named Nate in a suit. "

EDIT: Crap, I forgot it was supposed to be Alex, not Nate. Forget what I said, killing Alex is reason enough. Do this thing.