And the World Shall Forget You

[Nayt]

Toushikyo merely brushed Eld aside-- not quite intentionally, but he wasn't regarding Eld's assistance enough to make use of it. In the end, he simply brushed by him and continued to walk on by himself. Oddly enough, Eld might notice that Toushikyo was cold to the touch. Not alarmingly cold, but noticeably clammy . . .

They were closer to Toushikyo's house, now. Much closer. Only twenty paces until they reached the steps of the Terra clan. Yet even still, Toushikyo seemed to not at all care about the injury in his foot, let alone feel it. He simply continued to walk on, hands in his pockets and eyes straight ahead for his front door.

"Tell me something, Tsukimono?" Toushikyo asked, perhaps for Eld's unbridled attention, or perhaps for Eld to simply humor him for a minute . . .

He'd continue to shirk Eld's attempts to help, if he continued, yet not through persistence or stubbornness. That would've been obvious. Toushikyo's was mere indifference-- and this, too, was obvious, if not crazier than persistence. Sarah Vaerbond might have tried to walk by herself after taking an injury, but that was only to save her pride from suffering the horrid blow of acknowledging defeat. There was logic behind it, some level of emotional rationality, even if it was horrible for her body. But Toushikyo? It wasn't pride. It wasn't fear.

He simply didn't care.

[Zach Kaiser]

"Will...you...stop!" Eld huffed as Toushikyo repeatedly ignored his attempts to help him. He moved in front of him, ready to physically stop him from continuing if necessary "You have glass in your foot, dammit! How can you not feel that? You have to get off of it and get it treated!"

He glared at his friend. He didn't know whether this was a bout of machismo, insanity, stubborn stupidity, or some combination thereof. "Unless you'd rather it get infected and take your whole damn foot!"

While he could be a wishy-washy guy sometimes, Eldridge Tsukimono did not screw around when it came to injured people, especially injured friends.

[Nayt]

Toushikyo indeed came to a stop, but not at Eld's verbal insistence. He was standing in his way, just two steps away from the stairs to Toushikyo's front door. It was there that Toushikyo stopped, and for what might have felt like hours, he didn't speak a word.

Perhaps Eld would listen to him, perhaps he wouldn't. Perhaps he'd even try to care. That would be one step beyond what Toushikyo felt capable of.

"You wake up one morning . . ." he began.

There was a stiff cold in standing so close to Toushikyo, one that would make even Eld feel somewhat clammy. Toushikyo's eyes were barely focused, a look of indifference still solid upon the frame of his skull. He saw not Eld, but through Eld.

"And you experience nothing. But not for lack of things to do. You . . . do as you do everyday. You see your family. You see your friends. You read. You write. You accept the company of a girl you have some fondness for. You embrace the warmth and await its comfort. But through it all, you feel nothing. You feel empty and cold, an inviting chill that runs across every bone, every sinew, nerve, and muscle."

"You feel nothing on this day. You experience nothing on this day. No will, no curiosity. Not the slightest care for everyone you thought was important to you. Not even pain." Toushikyo's eyes moved. He was gaining focus again. "And with every year, those days become more and more regular."

Toushikyo lifted his foot, and with his left hand, reached down to tug upon one of the three shards of glass. It ripped out of his foot with a fresh batch of blood, and he followed suit with the last two. He dropped the shards upon the ground uselessly, yet the entire time, his expression did not change. Nothing changed. Eld was right in front of him. He'd be able to see it all clearly. How his breathing remained normal. How his muscles were relaxed. How his eyelids open and shut normally. How no single part of his body quivered or even noticed the pain it otherwise should have . . .

"Do you put on a facade?" Toushikyo put his foot back upon the ground again. "Show a flash of pretend emotions, wear only figments of memories? Laughing because you know you'd laugh, smiling because you know you'd smile. Pretending to care, because you know you'd normally care. Do you wear that empty facade . . . or do you savor every in-between moment of feeling, as vague or powerful as they may be on some days, as if they were the last moments of humanity you have left?"

"So tell me," Toushikyo finally raised his eyes to look directly into Eld's own, "Would you live for others, or would you live for yourself?"

[Zach Kaiser]

For several long moments Eld stared at Toushikyo like he'd gone completely out of his mind. That was quite possibly the most he'd ever heard him speak at once, and it didn't exactly make much sense to him. What he described was something Eld had difficulty imagining, but whether or not he could grasp what it felt like...well, to not feel...suddenly seemed unimportant as something dawned on him.

"K-Kyo, you...you were haunted too, weren't you?"

It made perfect sense; that was why he seemed to know so much about what Akizetsumei was going through. Why he was relieved as soon as he was told what had happened--he knew it wasn't something life-threatening.

[Nayt]

Toushikyo's eyes were, if only for a brief moment, once again focused sharply upon Eld's, and the cold chill of the night was intensified by what felt like a breeze.

"I think the more relevant question is . . . if I ever stopped dreaming."

And perhaps then, in one dramatic swoop, as the air fell still and Toushikyo's eyes lost focus and stared through Eld once more, something would click in place, and everything Toushikyo of years past, the changes in his demeanor, the frequency of his disappearances, his habits of seeming almost ruthlessly cold at times-- all at once, everything would make sense:

He'd never woken up to begin with.

Toushikyo's hands slipped out of his pockets and his arms dropped to his sides. He felt the will to keep his shoulders high fading away at the thought of never waking from this. And yet, simultaneously, for all he knew he was supposed to fear and loath this prospect, he couldn't muster the will, not even the ability, to feign distaste.

[Zach Kaiser]

"What do you--"

A small gasp escaped him, and his eyes widened to the size of small moons. All this time...how long? Years, he'd said. For years, Toushikyo had been living a nightmare, sometimes feeling normal, other times feeling nothing, and having no control over when was when.

His coldness, his sudden spurts of odd action...fighting him in the water the other day...driven by this curse that had been placed upon him. And he'd endured it, silently, for all this time.

And right now, he couldn't feel at all, no matter how much he might want to. It was rather ironic, then, that what Eld did next was something Toushikyo would have never permitted him to do if he'd been his normal self:

He threw his arms around his friend and pulled him into a hug. "I'm sorry," he whispered, fighting back the tears that wanted to make up for those his friend couldn't shed. "All this time, I never...I'm sorry."

[Nayt]

It was . . . strange. Toushikyo was not born without emotions. He spent most of his life experiencing emotions on a regular basis. It was only during the supposedly most changing years of his young life that he contracted this curse like a disease. He knew exactly what he'd have done on any other day, any normal day. If he had, for some reason, told Eld all about this on a standard day, and Eld, teary eyed, embraced him . . .

Toushikyo would have hesitated.

He hesitated.

He would have thought about how to react.

He thought long and hard about this, but felt himself ultimately without the will to decide.

But ultimately, he would have reached his arms up and let the sting of loneliness die away, if only for the briefest of moments.

Toushikyo did not react. It would be like throwing his arms around a doll, someone bordering on lifeless and incapable of experiencing motivation, driven only by memories of what he knew should happen, but consistently questioning if it really mattered. Toushikyo's body was not stiff as a board; he was loose all over. He'd almost feel fragile.

[Zach Kaiser]

It was funny; Toushikyo had, for all intents and purposes, kicked his butt the other day. But now he felt like he'd crush him if he squeezed too tightly. Even on days when he was normal, he was so stoic...

Eld slowly drew away; even with the way he didn't react at all, he still felt a little embarrassed by his outburst of emotion. He rubbed his eyes, hoping his friend wouldn't notice or recall the moisture in them. "L-Look, I know right now you can't feel, so I want you to commit this to memory."

And then he made sure to lock eyes with him, so that Toushikyo was looking at him, not through him like before. "You are not alone. I'm sure the others would say the same thing. So let us help you; we'll do whatever we can, so you don't have to bear this by yourself."

[Nayt]

Commit this to memory, Toushikyo repeated in his head. I am not alone.

And then he knew that, on a better day, he'd have gone inside right this instant. He'd have felt uncomfortable with a brand of feelings that he rarely felt, and never with anyone outside of his immediate family. A brand of appreciative kinship, one that inevitably became protective with time . . .

But at this point in life, Toushikyo knew that his reaction would have been far more powerful than just that. He'd have done more than simply gone inside, shut the door behind him, and tried to focus on other things for comfort's sake. He'd have done all that, but just before making the decision to force himself to move on, he'd have wiped away any excess moisture that had found its way beyond the confines of his tear ducts. He'd have played it off as if he were tired and hadn't slept well, and that he'd just experienced a powerful yawn.

He'd have lied to everyone but himself. Forced the facade-- and yet, at the same time, he'd have kept it in mind, and on the days where he dreaded the next weeks to come, fearing that they'd be littered with horrid days like today . . .

He'd know who to talk to.

[Zach Kaiser]

Even with hardly any physical sign that the words weren't total gibberish to Toushikyo, Eld could tell he was entering them into memory. When it looked like he was done, he continued with another matter.

"No offense, but right now I don't think I trust you to get your foot looked at. So I'll give you three options: I can take you to the clinic and have my parents take care of it, do it myself--it doesn't look like it's anything too serious, but you need to have it cleaned at the very least--or have your parents do it." If Toushikyo would regain the ability to feel later, all the more reason to have his foot patched up now so it wouldn't be injured then.

"Oh, and if you say you don't care or something the I'm dragging you to the clinic," he added, crossing his arms over his chest. When it came to health, Eld could be even more stubborn than Sarah or Toushikyo himself.

[Nayt]

Later, perhaps, Eld's concern would be appreciated. On a better day, Toushikyo would have been too pained to go on discussing all of this as if it were so normal and calm. He'd have felt a semi-urgent need to return to the clinic with Eld, where sterile equipment and pain killers could be applied by adequate hands. But now, he'd no intentions of returning to the clinic. He acknowledged the possibility that his foot could become infected, but was loath to bring himself to show an ounce of care for it.

Toushikyo lifted his hand to point at the door behind Eld. He fully intended to return home once Eld was out of his way, where whatever was going to happen was . . . well, it was going to happen. If that meant he was going to be treated by his parents, then so be it, but he was returning to his bed within the next hour.

He needed to lay down.

He needed to wake up from the dream, even if only temporarily . . .

[Zach Kaiser]

"...Alright. But make sure they treat it; you'll regret it come morning if they don't," Eld stated matter-of-factly. But then he hesitated for a moment; even though he'd done about all he could right now, he didn't really want to leave Toushikyo like this. Etsu was no doubt waiting for him, though...

Reluctantly, he moved out of his friend's way. But before he got all the way to his house and back inside, Eld would say one last thing:

"Even if you can't care about people at times, people still care about you. And as long as they do...living for yourself is the same as living for others." He didn't even need to think about it; if all his friends were asked if they wanted him to make himself miserable for their sake, the answer would be a unanimous "no."

[Nayt]

Once Eld was out of his way, Toushikyo began up the steps, leaving a fresh trail of blood up the three steps to the front door. He stopped when Eld spoke again, though. He stopped, listened, and paused a moment as he devoted this, too, to memory.

". . . I see," Toushikyo replied, his tone just shy of a whisper.

He glanced back at Eld once and nodded his head in acknowledgment. He would remember this, and hopefully tomorrow he'd know what to think of it . . .

"Goodnight, Tsukimono."

And with that, Toushikyo of Terra pushed his front door open and stepped inside. He shut it behind him, and though Eld wouldn't be able to see what was going on within the house of Terra, he'd be able to hear it all clear as day: first, a woman said something-- then there was a gasp-- and finally, there was commotion. No doubt Katalyna had seen the trail Toushikyo was leaving . . .

---

Back at the Tsukimono residence, Etsu was all but finished packing. She did the bulk of the packing, in fact, and not just for provisions and the like. She packed explicitly for Eld just as much as she did herself. She had made sure he had enough clothes to last him, some reading material that looked like stuff he'd like (those really weird, girly romances he kept his bookshelf stocked with), and some tools that she found around the house. A knife, a can-opener, and even a miniature med-kit that she asked her aunt to help her make. She brought pillows and a couple of blankets, to boot.

All of this was gathered between two separate packs. The only thing she couldn't fit in them was the tent. Eld was carrying that. She had a spear and a couple of fishing poles that she planned on carrying, after all. No room in her arms for a hulking mess of a tent construction project. Nope. No room at all.

Etsu still hadn't gone over to Sarah's to inquire about wild animal repellent, though. She was planning on doing that one their way out of town.

[Zach Kaiser]

"Goodnight, Kyo."

Eld left the Terra house with a lot on his mind; even once he was back inside his house, it was clear he was distracted. Up until now he'd only been working with theory, not knowing whether something was truly wrong or not. But something was very wrong, and with both Toushikyo and Akizetsumei afflicted it was now more important than ever to find out what was going on, and how to fix it.

He was a little surprised to see the extent to which Etsu had prepared; he had already packed some himself, but she'd added to it a lot. He ignored the temptation to remind her that they were only going to be a short hike from town and that one of them could always make a trip during the day if they found out they'd need something more.

Despite being partly worried about Etsu packing his stuff, he figured she'd probably get mad if he took the time double check his pack. "Well, are you ready then?"

[Nayt]

Etsu had been sitting in the living room, waiting for Eld to show up. It felt like he was gone much longer than he actually was, and she was sick to death of waiting for him already. But he was here, now. That was good. They could get this show on the road, now.

"Hai," she said with a nod.

And with that, she hoisted her pack over her shoulders and started to collect the two fishing poles and her spear. She packed a little big of rig, like a few hooks, sinkers, and extra line, in Eld's pack, but that was about all. Fortunately, that was pretty much all they were going to need for catching fish. Gathering bait was easy, but that was a subject for another time.

"I just have to see Vaerbond-san first," Etsu declared.

She wasn't about to ask if that was okay, though. Instead, she pointed at the balled and bagged up tent as if to silently inform Eld that it was his to carry, and started out . . .

Only to forget that she hadn't told her aunt and uncle goodbye yet, so she wound up putting everything down, sneaking off into the clinic, giving Urikuse and Rebbecca proper hugs and temporary farewells, and then gathering her stuff back up again and heading out.