And the World Shall Forget You

[Zach Kaiser]

Etsu's first response didn't surprise him, and he could hardly blame her for berating him for it. He stared at her for a second when she stopped mid-sentence, but otherwise figured she was probably done talking to him for awhile. Which was a shame because he really didn't want to sit in silence and let his mind drift.

He was just as surprised as she was when after a few minutes she actually answered the question, if belatedly. That she enjoyed it made him happy,

"I-I don't know. Well, I guess..." He hesitated; this was an answer Etsu might not like, but at this point he really didn't want to lie to her. It was better to be honest, even if it meant she might get mad or think less of him or something. "P-Probably because even though I know we shouldn't, part of me still wants to do those things with you." He turned away from her, hugging his knees to his chest; it was kind of embarrassing to admit after they'd both more or less concluded it was something they certainly shouldn't have been doing.

[Nayt]

This was supposed to be in the past. It wasn't supposed to come up ever again. This is not how things were supposed to go between them!

But still, it was kind of flattering? In a weird sort of way. And the feeling was kind of mutual, too, for however much she loathed the idea of breaking morality, she already kind of did. As Etsu didn't ever give that sort of stuff any thought, she was no more a loose woman if she and Eld made out again right here and now, as they'd already done it once. Morality was an issue, yes, but it wasn't her main issue. Regardless, she could feel her cheeks becoming warmer at the thought of it. This only further enforced her need to keep her eyes averted from him.

It was a no-brainer that Eld enjoyed their momentary coupling. He wouldn't have been so into it if he didn't. The fact that he came out and said as much made it all the more different, though, for some reason or the rather. As embarrassing as it was to think of, it actually made her feel . . . good. It made her think that in the hypothetical situation, where their marriage was arranged and they were fully prepared to spend the rest of their lives together, Eld would have enjoyed her company in every way. Socially, emotionally, mentally, and sexually. It was a weird sort of assurance, but it was at least one happy thought in a field of confused ones.

"W-we-- we cannot," Etsu whispered.

The worst part about this was that it almost felt like Eld was trying to reason out if they could do that again, which really put Etsu in another moral dilemma. On one hand, it felt good. On the other, she felt mighty guilty by the end of it.

Meekly, she continued to reason out: "It-- it wour-rd-- it wour-rd hurt you and Akizetsumei-chan."

Among other things.

[Zach Kaiser]

"I-I wasn't saying we should!" he said hurriedly. He turned to look at her with an expression that somewhere between sulking and pouting. As much as part of him wanted to, part of him didn't want the complications that would have come with it right now: both, as Etsu mentioned, what it would do to his relationship with Akizetsumei (assuming she still would want to go out with him), and the confusion it would add to his already confusing feelings for Etsu herself.

He sort of envied Etsu in that moment; she seemed to know just how she felt. She may have been conflicted over what to do about it a little, but she knew where she stood. With everything that had happened lately he felt rather lost. In the past few weeks nearly every major relationship he had had changed somewhat significantly.

"S-Sorry...it was a dumb thing to ask. I'm glad you're keeping your head better than I am."

[Nayt]

Well, at least he wasn't asking. If he sincerely asked, she wouldn't have been able to protest too much. She would have protested, yes, but if he reasoned that she had nothing to worry about . . .

No matter. It wasn't going to happen and she wasn't thinking about that stuff anymore. What she was going to think about instead was a statement of Eld's, how it applied to her, and how wrong it really was.

"Tsukimono-kun . . ." Etsu trailed off.

He really had the wrong idea about her. Slowly but surely, her mixture of snarkiness and caution died down and she was reduced to a sigh. Eld thought he was confused? He didn't even know the half of it. When Etsu started speaking, she didn't stop for a moment. It was probably the most she ever said about her personal feelings next to her near fight with Eld last night.

"My mother has r-reft and my father is horribr-re. I am here and away from my friends. I was in hope for you to remember me. I thought you did not and I hated you. In onr-ry a day, I have r-rost reason to hate, gained reason to r-rike, and ar-rmost had wir-rring nareai with you. I thought very brief that sumiengumi was not r-rost and I think I was happy a-bout that. And now I come to terms with fact that it far-rse hope." Etsu paused to breath, "It is very hard to be r-rever-r head-ed. I wour-rd r-rike to scream, kiss you a-gain, and sr-rap you ar-rr at same time. I do not think I can do that. I do not think it possibr-re."

At least she was honest. Sulking and much more depressed than she looked, but honest nonetheless. To a greater extent, though, there wasn't much that could be done about this. Maybe she could be comforted, but right now there wasn't much anyone could do to fix the problems that were plaguing her.

[Zach Kaiser]

"O-Oh." Of course Etsu had lots to deal with, too. He continually underestimated just how much hope she had riding on the idea of that arranged marriage, and the boy waiting for her.

"W-Well, I bet you could manage one of those for sure, maybe even two," he said in a weak attempt at humor. "Sorry," he added, realizing it was probably ill-timed.

He suddenly realized that she had called him something different just now. It was his name still, but the honorific was one rather more familiar. Combined with what she said, he felt he needed to ask something.

"Etsu...how can you want to be with me? I-I mean, even if I hadn't been told about the sumiengumi, I still must be a different person than you imagined."

[Nayt]

Etsu half-smiled at Eld's joke. It didn't betray how she felt, though. It was, after all, the humoring kind of smile-- showing appreciation for Eld's attempt, even if it in no way made her feel any better. Anyways, she could scream and slap him at the same time, but she couldn't kiss him and do either of those two at the same time. It really limited her options.

Regardless, Eld's question was pretty hard to answer, not without spilling her heart out again, and Etsu didn't have much left to throw out there anymore. All things considered, though, he was wrong. He was very wrong.

"You are stir-rr kind and respectfur-r. You stir-rr acknowr-redge . . . bound-a-ries, and you have . . . many good r-rife goar-rs. You wir-rr have a very good job and you wir-rr pro-vide wer-rr for famir-ry. You wour-rd take care of wife and chir-r-dren and you wour-rd be good hus-band. You wour-rd . . . make r-rife very stabr-re," Etsu elaborated.

Her hesitation had less to do with anxiety than it did her having no clue how to word all this. She was venting a great deal in great frequency, after all.

"I r-rook back on . . . before," she said, speaking about when she supposedly hated him, "And that is what I see. But I was very stupid and very dense and I wour-rd not see it then."

[Zach Kaiser]

"Stable, huh?" Partly he wanted to tell her there was more to love than that...or at least he felt there was supposed to be. But he could understand her desire for stability; he could certainly use a little himself, he felt.

"H-Hey, maybe we could...figure something out? Something that would make things more...stable. For both of us."

What they could do to accomplish that, he didn't know. Clearly what they'd been doing before had produced rather the opposite effect, so as much as part of him would have still very much liked to pick up where they left off that was out.

[Nayt]

Etsu frowned a little. She had no idea what Eld had in mind, and though she was hoping he had something specific in his noggin, she highly doubted it.

". . . r-rike what?" she said.

Because she honestly hadn't the slightest clue. What stability did they have to offer each other were it not through marriage? They could be friends, but that was it. Friendship was not the stability she was looking for, nor the stability she was hoping for. Etsu was about as pessimistic as possible right now.

"Ano . . . wer-rr-- there can be some-thing for you, no? When you her-rp Akizetsumei-chan, you wir-rr be much happier." Which was to say, there were only a handful of things that could help her get into the same sort of stable happiness, and all of those venues were currently shut down.

[Zach Kaiser]

"Stop that!" Before he could think twice about he crossed to Etsu's side of the tent on his hands and knees until they were about a foot apart, suddenly feeling the need to look her in the eye and ensure she didn't look away. "You keep bringing her up, and acting like that. Etsu...you deserve to be happy as much as she does! A-And, besides, she won't even look at me right now, and there's no guarantee she will even if I find a way to help her."

Suddenly getting self-conscious, he looked away from her. "A-And besides that even...if I didn't think...being with you would make me happy...I wouldn't have done what I did."

[Nayt]

She almost winced when Eld scolded her. Soon after, Etsu tucked her knees up under her chin. She hugged her legs to her chest and intentionally averted her eyes from Eld. She didn't know why she felt so hurt by that, though. Maybe it had something to do with the truth. Some reference to a truth she was hiding from herself, and was consciously avoiding since the moment she concluded that she'd only be getting between Eld and Akizetsumei by pursuing him any further. It wasn't that she had any personal problems with Akizetsumei, though . . .

Etsu even felt the urge to apologize for saying all that in the first place. She was doing a terrible job at keeping a level head, now. All her concentration on it was thrown off and she was back to thinking about all the things that made her want to dip her head underwater 'til she was a floating stiff.

But then Eld said something that took all of the hurt away. It was like a train hit her. Her heart stopped and her breath caught. But it wasn't a terrifying realization. Rather, this was the most pleasant surprise of the day. Slowly but surely, Etsu turned her head to level an incredulous stare at Eld's face.

". . . I . . . wour-rd make you happy?" she asked, audibly surprised.

[Zach Kaiser]

"W-Well, I think so." Eld leaned back so that he was on his knees; as soon as he did this, his hands started to fidget, and he had to fight to look at Etsu again and keep his attention their rather than his lap or the side of the tent.

"I mean...you're nice, you act kind even to people you hardly know. Even back when you were trying to hate me, I still ended up having fun with you. And when you realized you were wrong about me, you felt really bad. A-And you're very attractive, too," he said with a blush.

"I-I never really was comfortable with the idea of the of arranged marriage, but I think...if it had been to you...I'd have been okay with it."

[Nayt]

Etsu became more and more confused with each word, at least until he said that he found her attractive. By then, it sank in that this was happening. Eld was complimenting her heavily. No matter how depressed she might have been at the time, she couldn't help but blush. She didn't like to think of that all as true; she never liked to think of herself as a saint or a prodigal child or anything of the sort, but the very fact that Eld had such a high opinion of her, regardless of how she treated him before, made her heart skip another beat with joy.

When he said she was attractive, that only added to that. She blushed a little more intensely then, and all she could think about was earlier. How much he wanted to touch her and how much he wanted to strip her of clothing. It was . . . well, it was flattering, to be sure. And it made her wonder if she disappointed him too much by cutting it all off.

But then he said it. The most important revelation of all.

Etsu's eyes widened. "Ts-- Tsukimono-kun-- I-- . . ." she whispered instinctively.

He wasn't trying to be subtle. He was just coming out and saying it. Telling her up front that he would have accepted a marriage with her and that he would have been happy to have her as his wife. Etsu again found herself thinking about it all-- both scenarios, really. Where she and Eld were married years ago and they just now began to fool around and where all that happened on this day led to their marriage and happy life. But there was happiness, either way. There was tranquility, stability, purpose, and someday love.

She had no words, only a slew of feelings. Some sad, many positive. And there was no way to communicate these feelings, not with words at least. All Etsu could do was act: crawl over to Eld's side of the tent and wrap her arms around his shoulders, hold closely onto him, and squeeze him tightly to show her appreciation . . .

[Zach Kaiser]

Eld was a bit surprised at the sudden display of affection, but more than happy to return it. He wrapped his arms around her waist and held her equally tight. It wouldn't have occurred to him that his words would mean so much to her--he'd hoped she'd be a bit flattered and not be so hard on herself, but was surprised at the affect.

He was glad though; glad he could cheer her up, at least a little. And the embrace felt nice...it was a contact with her that he didn't need to feel guilty about at all. Which prompted what he said next.

"I know we shouldn't do what we were doing before...but...if we stay like this for a little while...that's okay, isn't it?"

[Nayt]

When Eld began holding her, Etsu felt even more relieved. It was nice; he was warm and soft and he had a bad habit of making her feel happy on the inside . . .

The notion of staying like this for a little while was actually well received. Etsu was hard pressed to turn down any of this boy's requests right now, anyways, even if it was something she'd normally dislike or regret. This, though, was no such issue. This was something Etsu personally wanted, anyways. It was why she hugged him in the first place. She not wanted to show her appreciation for his affections, but she still wanted to show affections for Eld, too, even if it was much more toned down than before.

"H-hai-- we-- we can . . ." Etsu whispered.

And she would be content just like that, with her arms around Eld's shoulders and his arms around her waist, both holding each other close. She was okay with it until her knees started to get tired. It probably wasn't a good idea to sit in Eld's lap ever again, but it was close and her knees were starting to hurt her, anyways. And so, Etsu sat upon his thighs, which in turn brought them ever closer together.

[Zach Kaiser]

Eld really wanted it to just be an innocent embrace, one which he could enjoy without any other thoughts. But try as he might, with Etsu pressing up against him as she was, he found it impossible. No matter what he did, his mind drifted back to earlier. When she sat on his lap again, he even thought she might be in the same boat.

His main concern about that had been worry that he was pressuring Etsu into something she didn't want. But...it sounded like she kind of did. Her only concern sounded like it was over what it would do to his relationship, but that relationship didn't actually exist in that form yet. And might never, now.

"H-Hey, I've been thinking," he said after a few minutes. "Umm...w-what we were doing earlier? I don't think we did anything wrong. I mean, you shouldn't feel guilty about it...there's nothing to get in the way of yet. There might not be at all, anymore."

If he'd stopped feeling guilty because it turned out he hadn't taken advantage of her (and in retrospect, he should have known she'd have no problems speaking her mind if she had any objections to anything he did), then he felt there wasn't any reason for her to feel guilty over a misconception, either.